Confused to some extent

iam feeling something there i can smell such sweetness mixed with capsicum hw i feel in her presense challenges me to think think about the place i had reached, the way iam thinking of others and the shape that iam on now is it the ideal way iam not sure about the ideal way but the thing iam sure about that this girl pushed me up, never intended to let me down bad times were due to high expectations i made before reaching a good position there iam not sure why i insist to get her but the only thing iam sure about is that i really love her never get bored while meets or even chats with her get so jelous with her thinking of other friends it would takes alot to overcome a day feeling she is not there but once we catch i return back my believes are totally different from her i always feel she is not there while we are together or at least she wants to be in another place she would feel great with a person other than me not sure why but i don't want to add this as a real finding making it always as assumption lying on ma self covering what i feel i believe ma self iam not the best here in this place iam not seen as i like to be iam not the best one there as i used to but iam trying to give up this concern and enjoy presence there i lv till the end